the other night i had a dream and as i awoke my immediate thought was 'a return to happiness'. i have been dreaming a lot lately. vivid dreams that stay with me for days. they are always followed by a clearly stated thought just as i am returning from the dream to my daily life. now i wonder if this is my minds way of appeasing daily stresses and fears? or am i tapping into a universal unconscious where truth can be found. Carl Jung said " the wealth of a culture is it's images". this i love. his writings have always been important to me. thirty plus years ago when i was in a very dark place not knowing what to do, i was somehow directed to his work. his thoughts open doors for me. i felt he held my hand and led me to my truth. why am i here? what am i to do with this life? these were my questions i could not find answers for. i went into seclusion, read Jung and prayed. then one night as i sat in a chair by an open window a small voice in me said 'i really like to color'. is this what i am to do! i have three small children and no husband or education. how will this every be possible. yet oddly i was filled with a sense of excitement. i went to tell my mother and step-father. i would be going to college and would become an artist. they were horrified. get a husband they screamed. you have children. try and find a man who will marry you while you are young and still pretty. i was crushed. no support there. an anger welled up inside of me. but instead of stopping the desire, the decision i had made intensified. i did go to school and major in fine art. i did become an artist. no regrets even in this momentary state of failure. so today i celebrate my independence. i am grateful.
